In the mischievous style of his previous books, Thinking About Everything and Miles of Thoughts, humorist and man of letters Dennis Ford takes to the road and- ~ reveals why heaven is the saddest place ~ invents the practice of kid swapping ~ explains how reasonable people will cause the end of democracy ~ narrates a public radio interview with Jesus ~ describes how to pretend to be mute to avoid confrontations ~ divulges Mayberry Sheriff Andy Taylor's fatal habit ~ provides a sure-fire method to get God to answer prayers ~ advises against conversing with demon-possessed drain pipes ~ discovers to his delight that there's beer in the afterlife Amid a generous helping of excellent groaners, Ford demonstrates how to practice mindfulness while cooking Ramen noodles, bestows the Insult to Humanity prize on deserving movies, discloses why the people life dumps on dump on themselves, asks whether we need to chlorinate the gene pool and tells why, if you don't like fun, you'll like New Jersey.