Maddening, frightening, and unpredictable describe the life of a family when a member(s) has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The NeuroTypical's (NT) Empathy and the "Aspie's" lack of Empathy are at the crux of this chaos, advises author Dr. Kathy Marshack, a longtime psychologist and prolific writer on Empathy, NeuroDiversity (ND), and NeuroDivergent relationships. "NeuroDiverse," describes the unique workings of a brain that is different from those with typical neurological development or functioning; hence, the term, "NeuroTypical."
An NT/ASD relationship mirrors dance partners who unintentionally step on each other's toes. With instruction, the rhythm of their dance can shift. The author provides dozens of proven tips and tools that help achieve smoother footwork-as she learned from living with an ASD spouse, an ASD daughter, and an NT daughter. Since Empathy is not wired into the brain of someone with ASD, they are left feeling confused by irony, pretense, metaphor, and white lies. "Aspies" are unable to simultaneously know their feelings and sense another's; hence, can't know or see what to do or say next. Frustrating to NTs, "Aspies" live in the moment: If something is not forefront in their mind, it is essentially out of their sight. Their failure to recognize the importance of a smile, a hug, or a word of encouragement can generate a mountain of pain and loneliness for the NT.
Children of an ASD/NT couple may inherit or learn the traits of both parents and grow up feeling invisible, minimized, ignored, and unloved. "An NT/ASD couple," emphasizes Dr. Marshack, "must take immense care to reinforce a child's self-esteem while teaching them to love and be loved. It is a profound and not easy challenge."
Dr. Marshack dispels preconceived notions about ASD. She opens eyes and hearts to see that an NT/ASD family's roller-coaster ride-when slowed to ease the curves and jolts-can lead to positive transformation in relationships.
