For SHEP ROSE saying yes to life has always been his superpower. It led to adventures around the world, a successful television career, and countless unforgettable nights. But by fall 2023, the wheels were coming off.

After a near disastrous drunken weekend at BravoCon that left him full of shame and facing serious consequences, Shep made an unconventional choice: he flew to Costa Rica for a week of Ayahuasca ceremonies at the Rythmia wellness retreat.

In this candid memoir, Shep chronicles his journey from party-hard reality star to someone genuinely seeking change and finding out it’s not all that easy. With humor, heart, and unflinching honesty, he takes readers through four nights of intense ceremonies, revealing the visions, revelations, and sometimes hilarious mishaps that forced him to confront his relationship with excess, his fear of vulnerability, and the question that haunted him: "Why must I always lick the jar?"

From the amusement park pole vision to meeting "the machine," from wrestling with the Cookie Monster mentality to discovering what it truly means to follow your heart, this is a story about learning when to say no so you can say yes to what really matters.